Hidden Secrets
by Rose Stetson
Summary: Will gains unexpected insight into Helen Magnus's secret thoughts.


**Hidden Secrets**

_Inspired by "Normal" by artaxastra and "When I'm Sixty-Four..." by st_aurafina posted at LiveJournal  
_

_Pairing: Helen/John_

_Timeline: Sometime after Ashley's death_

_Summary: Will gains unexpected insight into Helen Magnus's secret thoughts._

"Dude, are you sure we should be in here?" Henry asked as Will led the way into Magnus's study. "I mean, I get that you're the boss while she's gone and all that, but it still seems...wrong."

"Look, I just need a few of her personal reference books." Will said with a shrug. "It's not like I'm asking you for her password."

Henry thought about it for a moment before he continued to follow Will over to the bookshelves. "Yeah, okay...which reference book did you need?" Henry asked, looking at Will expectantly.

"Um, well...I need one that will help me with the...gila monster thing downstairs."

"Oh, well, that narrows it down."

"Look, I know that thing's been here for like...twenty-five years or so, so maybe it's...one of the older volumes?"

He won a derisive look from the werewolf-tech, and Will realized for a moment that most of the books on these bookshelves had been published before 1950.

"Just look for..."

"Gila Monster Things Downstairs for Dummies?" Henry quipped, winning a look from Will.

"Okay, not "older" as in antique "older", think more like...twenty-five, thirty years tops."

"You don't know what you're asking..." Henry said, shaking his head as he began looking through the shelves.

Just then, Will's keen eye caught a glimpse of a book with the inscription 1983 on the book's binding. Maybe it's Magnus's notes, he mused, reaching for it. "Hey, Henry, I think I found something."

"Already?" Henry whined. "I didn't even get to use the super-smeller..."

"You've been watching WAY too much Psych, man." Will laughed as he sat down on the couch beside the fireplace with the leather-bound book in hand. He opened the book, not surprised to see Magnus's neat cursive covering every page. "Yep...I think I just found her notes."

"Think she wrote something about that thing downstairs?" Henry asked, curious.

"I'd find out if you'd leave me alone for a few minutes to skim through it.

"Right." Henry said, instantly quieting as he rocked back and forth on his heels, trying not to be bored while he waited.

He won a glance from Will. "Uh...have a seat..."

"No thanks, I'm fine."

"I insist," the forensic psychologist said, soberly.

Henry inhaled before he sat down in the armchair across from the couch. "Find anything yet?"

He won a look from Will, and instantly pantomimed zipping his lips.

_July 16, 1983_

_We were to have been married 95 years ago today. Strange how that thought still makes it feel like a knife has been taken to my heart, even after all he's done._

Will swallowed bile as he realized he was reading Helen Magnus's most private, innermost thoughts.

"What?" Henry asked, noticing the change in his friend's demeanor.

"It's her journal." He said, looking up.

"What? I didn't know she had a journal!"

"I don't think it's the kind of thing that she would advertise."

"What's it say?"

"Uh, nothing that either one of us should ever know." Will said, preparing to close the book. "These are her private thoughts."

"Yeah, but haven't you ever wondered what's going on beneath the surface with her? What makes her tick?" Henry asked with a mischievous grin.

Will looked at his friend, and then back at the book in his hands. "This first entry, uh...it's about her and Druitt."

"See...that's something I'd like to know more about." Henry said, honestly. "How a classy lady like her could end up with Jack the Ripper."

"He wasn't the Ripper when they met. In fact, according to this, they should have gotten married about a month after the last murder."

"Ooh...freaky..."

"My father disappeared in July, 97 years ago. Nigel died in July, 20 years ago." Will read, solemnly. "Perhaps July was ever-destined to be bleak month for me."

"Wow."

Will flipped through the pages of the journal, thoughtfully. "Wasn't...Ashley born in July?"

Henry nodded. "July 16th, '84."

Will's head snapped up. "The 16th?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You're absolutely sure."

"Yeah." Henry said, nodding again. "Photographic memory. Saw her file once when I scanned it into the computer, and then, bam! In the memory bank for good."

"That was the day she was supposed to marry Druitt...Back in 1888."

"You know, that little bit of information just made the last twenty-five years of my life make sense!" Henry said, shaking his head.

"What do you mean?"

"Magnus always got...I don't know...sad on Ashley's birthday. We couldn't figure it out. It got so that Ashley almost didn't want to celebrate her birthday – though she'd never told her mom that."

Will nodded, the information fitting together like pieces of a puzzle, as he continued to flip through the pages.

_November 15, 1983_

_I don't know what possessed me to do so, but today, I checked on the viability of the embryo I froze nearly a century ago. I don't know how, given the crudeness of the cryogenics process I used back then, but the embryo seems to be as viable today as it was back then._

"This must have been about the time she decided to have Ashley..." Will said as he studied the journal. There was a small voice nagging at him that this was wrong, but Henry was right – to have complete access to Magnus's inner thoughts at any given time during her abnormally long life, was like a dream come true to him. "I wonder if the viability of the embryo after a century is an indication of whether or not the child it represents would have my longevity.

"Dear God, I hope so. Perhaps it's selfish, but I cannot bear the thought of living another century alone. We've already lost Nigel. And I haven't seen either John or Nikola in over half a century. James's health is failing, though we've found a way to restore to him some of his strength. I'll be alone when James dies. Completely and utterly alone – lost in a time that I was never supposed to see."

Will swallowed before looking up at Henry who was equally somber.

"Dude, I don't know if I could do that." Henry finally managed. "Watch everyone around me die."

Will nodded, slowly. It had been hard enough to watch his mother die. Harder still, to realize that he now worked for the woman who had only been fast enough to save him, and not her. And then, he'd lost Clara...

It wasn't like they'd known each other for very long. Theirs had been a puppy dog kind of love still – with heart and flowers and the high that came from new love. But to lose someone you'd known for more than a century?

He remembered what Magnus had said back in the submarine when he'd been quizzing her about her life and the people she'd known and the places she'd been. "You're right, Will. Dinner parties are hell."

Will turned a few pages before he stopped again.

"December 25, 1983

"It's Christmastime again – Mother's favorite time of year. She used to make us read Luke chapter 2 from the Bible. I know Father only did it to indulge her since he had no conviction one way or the other when it came to religion. But this Christmas, I find myself drawn to this passage again. Perhaps it's the knowledge that I, too, will bear a child that has drawn me to it.

I can see in James's eye that he is unsure whether or not this child will truly be a blessing, but then, he's been ever-vigilant over the past century in an effort to guard me against John, should he ever reappear.

I can't explain it, though perhaps I should at least try. This embryo has been calling to me for a century to free it from its icy prison so that it can grow into its potential."

Will bit the inside of his cheek as he read the final script in the journal.

_Only time will tell if I've added to my pain by inviting yet another mortal into my life or if I've inflicted the most loathsome torture on my own child and insured that I will never again be alone._

There, in one sentence, was the key that unlocked the secrets places in Helen Magnus's mind – why she'd been so loathe to accept Ashley's death. Why she'd been so unwilling to speak to anyone about it. In that one sentence, Will realized how far he had tread into Helen Magnus's most inner thoughts.

He closed the book, and stood. Without a word, he returned the journal to its bookshelf, and turned to Henry. "I think Mr. Gila Monster can wait until Magnus gets back."

"You sure?"

Will nodded. "Yeah."

"Cuz I think I found..."

"Henry..." Will said, soberly.

"Right." Henry said, nodding as he followed Will out the door. "You're the boss..."


End file.
